Korean Complaints & Conflict: -고 들다, -고도, -아/어 대다
Korean conflict talk leans on three loaded auxiliaries: -고 들다 for coming at someone aggressively (왜 자꾸 따지고 들어요? — why do you keep nitpicking?), -고도 for a contradiction (잘못하고도 사과를 안 해요 — does wrong and still won't apologize), and -아/어 대다 for annoying repetition (계속 불평을 해 대요 — keeps grumbling on and on).
Published:
Written by Alvin Lim Certified Korean Language Teacher (Level 2)
Talking about conflict in Korean means reaching for three loaded auxiliaries, each carrying a different sting. -고 들다 paints someone coming at you aggressively (왜 자꾸 따지고 들어요? — why do you keep nitpicking at me?). -고도 nails a contradiction — they did the thing and still won’t own it (잘못하고도 사과를 안 해요 — does wrong and won’t even apologize). And -아/어 대다 voices annoying, won’t-stop repetition (계속 불평을 해 대요 — keeps grumbling on and on). Three shades of complaint — confrontation, contradiction, and irritation — plus the words to patch things up afterward.
This is Chapter 6, where Grade 4 leaves the office and gets personal — idioms and real talk. You’ve handled asking favors and turning them down; now we sharpen the edge with auxiliaries that carry real attitude, then land on 화해 (making up). Start with the vocabulary of a quarrel.
Ten words for complaints and conflict
These power any argument — and the reconciliation that follows.
Coming at someone — -고 들다
To say someone is going on the attack — challenging, pressing, getting in your face — attach -고 들다 to a plain verb stem. The tone is always combative.
왜 자꾸 따지고 들어요? = why do you keep challenging me like that? 사소한 걸로 덤비고 들었어요 = he came at me over something trivial 무조건 대들고 들면 대화가 안 돼요 = if you just talk back defiantly, we can’t talk 말끝마다 물고 늘어지고 들어요 = he latches onto every single word
Note the verb stays in its plain form before 들다 — 따지고, 덤비고, 대들고 — and 들다 supplies the “advancing on you” force. It’s never neutral; 따져요 just means you question it, but 따지고 들어요 means you keep getting in my face about it.
Did X and still — -고도
To point out a contradiction that actually happened — they did the thing and still behaved the opposite way — use -고도 (“even after doing X, and yet…”). Unlike -더라도, this is factual, not hypothetical.
잘못을 하고도 사과를 안 해요 = does wrong and still won’t apologize 약속을 해 놓고도 안 지켜요 = made the promise and still doesn’t keep it 다 알고도 모르는 척했어요 = knew everything and still played dumb 그 말을 듣고도 가만히 있었어요 = heard that and still just sat there
The sting is the gap between what they did and what they should have done next. Compare -아/어도 / -더라도, which concede a possible condition (잘못해도 괜찮아요 = it’s fine even if you mess up); -고도 reports a real, completed one. For complaining about actual behavior, -고도 hits hardest.
Why won’t they stop? — -아/어 대다
To complain that someone won’t stop doing something — repeatedly, and it’s grating on you — attach -아/어 대다 to the -아/어 form. It bundles the repetition and your irritation together.
아까부터 계속 울어 대요 = he’s been crying nonstop since earlier 옆에서 자꾸 불평을 해 대요 = she keeps grumbling right next to me 밤새 음악을 틀어 대서 잠을 못 잤어요 = they blasted music all night, so I couldn’t sleep 애가 사탕만 먹어 대요 = the kid just keeps wolfing down candy
This one is almost always negative — the repetition is the complaint. Attach 대다 to the -아/어 stem: 울다 → 울어 대다, 하다 → 해 대다, 틀다 → 틀어 대다. Plain 계속 울어요 just states a fact; 울어 대요 says it’s driving you up the wall.
A quarrel — and making up
Two friends clash, then patch it up — all three auxiliaries, live:
Watch the three shades surface: 따지고 들었어 marks the confrontation, 약속해 놓고도 / 잘못하고도 expose the contradiction, 불평을 해 대니까 captures the grating repetition — and 풀자 / 화해하자 turn the fight into a reconciliation. That’s a full arc from clash to peace in seven lines.
FAQ
What exactly does -고 들다 add — isn’t 따지다 already ‘to argue’? 따지다 on its own means ‘to question closely / call out / scrutinize.’ Adding -고 들다 makes it confrontational and pushy — the person isn’t just asking, they’re coming at you, pressing aggressively: 따지고 들다 = keep challenging and nitpicking, 대들다/대들고 들다 = talk back defiantly, 덤비고 들다 = come at you ready to fight. It attaches to a plain verb stem + 들다 and almost always carries a negative, combative tone — someone advancing on you. So 따져요 = you question it, but 따지고 들어요 = you keep getting in my face about it. Reserve -고 들다 for genuinely aggressive, escalating behavior.
How is -고도 different from -더라도 and -아/어도? -고도 reports a real contradiction that already happened: ‘did X and yet (the opposite of what you’d expect).’ 잘못하고도 사과를 안 해요 = actually did wrong and still won’t apologize — it’s factual. -아/어도 (‘even if/though’) and -더라도 (‘even if, hypothetically’) both concede a condition that may or may not be true: 잘못해도 괜찮아요 = it’s fine even if you mess up; 잘못하더라도 솔직하게 말해요 = even if you should mess up, be honest. So -고도 = real, completed contradiction (and yet…), while -아/어도 / -더라도 = conceding a possible condition. For complaints about what someone actually did, -고도 lands hardest.
When do I use -아/어 대다 instead of just repeating the verb? -아/어 대다 packs the repetition and the speaker’s irritation into one verb: 울어 대다 = keep crying (and it’s getting on my nerves), 불평을 해 대다 = keep grumbling nonstop, 소리를 질러 대다 = keep yelling over and over. It’s almost always negative — you’re complaining about behavior that won’t stop. Attach 대다 to the -아/어 form: 울다 → 울어 대다, 하다 → 해 대다, 먹다 → 먹어 대다. Compare neutral 계속 울어요 (keeps crying — just a fact) with 울어 대요 (keeps crying and it’s driving me up the wall). Use -아/어 대다 when the repetition itself is the complaint.
Next: resolutions & chiding — banmal ②. Previous: favors & soft refusals — -는 김에, -고 해서. Full path: curriculum hub.